Wow. The day is tomorrow! I am so excited, I think. Scared too. Really scared.
I went and bought my whites today. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. There wasn't a ceremony or anything. The shop assistant was simply selling me a jacket, trousers and an apron. But these three things represent so much. She didn't know or care that this was the first time I'd ever donned a real chefs uniform, that this is the start of fulfilling a fantasy I never let myself believe I had.
People often said to me "why aren't you a chef?" and I've always replied "I love food too much. I want to keep it as a passion." and somehow I still believe that. I've convinced myself that I can't do what I love and still enjoy it.
Which is why I'm so scared. What if I'm right? What if I don't enjoy it? What if I'm not as good as I think I can be? How much do I need to invest before I discover that maybe I'm just not cut out for the kitchen? What if I've invested too much? can I turn back? Or my greatest fear, that I no longer like food or cooking for those that I love?
I can hear you scoffing, "surely if you love cooking that much, you always will" but it happens. how many chefs do you know that like to cook at home? At home nothing's prep'ed for you, the bench is always cluttered, you have children under your feet, you've got distractions all around and to top it all off you have to wash up afterwards!
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